Lately, I've had such a desire to feel spiritual things. The world can get so overwhelming, demanding and demeaning. I'll be on the internet and a strong desire to get away from all media, to enjoy the silence completely overwhelms me. I yearn for the comforting words and feelings that bring solace to my soul. I am loved. I am of value. I am not just what the world wants of me. I feel such an immense pressure to be gorgeous, shapely and flawless. Especially as a Exercise Science major. I am getting more in shape and I feel great. But it so so difficult to balance that healthiness with the need to be sexy and fit as the world expects. I see how women in the media are displayed as sexual objects and feel the pressure put on me to be one of them. I feel anger, disgust, frustration and the demoralization of my own worth. The media tells us that is what men expect, that is what other women expect, that is what I should expect. It tells us to view other women as competition. When I meet another woman I immediately start comparing myself to her. We are not competition. We are sisters. I struggle remembering that there are good men. Good men that I can trust that don't just want to use my body and the pleasures it offers to them. I find my mistrust of them, leads me to mistrust myself. Because as a woman, I want to be desired by men. It's natural. But I want to be beautiful to them, not to be lusted after. I want be seen as so much more. Because I am SO MUCH MORE. I forget that I am. I sometimes find that appearance occupies my thoughts, consumes my day. I forget that I am a girl that likes to camp, loves to read, fish, paint, and million things before what my appearance tells me. I have to consciously turn away, turn it off and believe in my value as a woman of God. Turn off the consumerism, turn off the commercialism, turn off the comparison. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it OFF.