Almost done with the portfolio. It's all due this Friday. I'm forcing thoughts of what I'll do if I don't get in out of my mind. Can't even worry about it right now, got to push to the end. The other night I couldn't sleep so at four a.m. I went in the kitchen and wrote a fatty list of everything I could think of that was on my mind. It even included me telling myself not to think about certain things yet. I'm really really tired but I can't get myself to get up and turn off the lights before I run upstairs to bed. I hate that so much. Yes, I'm still afraid of the dark. What. haha speaking of that. Last night Jadyn and I scared people so bad after we got home from Denny's. Amber, Ynna and Walt were watching The Shining. That's about I need to say. Walt admitted to peeing his pants a bit. Brave of him, haha. Honestly one of my very favorite things in the world is scaring people. I guess that's probably why Halloween is my favorite holiday, that and free candy. Plus dressing up is fuhn as well.

We went to the festival of colors today. My boogers are still purple. I went with four people who had never been before, and Jadyn. One of them is Canadian. Just had to bring that up haha. We've been on miming-Luke's-accent kick lately. "Chek me ouute."

You know what I realized? I love the idea of opera. The ability people have to control their voice like that and make such a glorious sound. It's sophisticated. I don't love listening to it so much. Only sometimes. Tonight was one of those times. I gloried in it on the drive home. Music really is something else. It has power over my mood like nothing else in my life. I just don't get Keshia or Gaga. When there's bands out there like Beirut, Mumford and Sons, the Shins, Matt Costa, Vampire Weekend, Beyonce, Ingrid Michaelson, Priscilla Ahn, etc, etc...who have the skill, have the talent, have actual meaningful lyrics, and have actual structure in their music. How can people sell themselves short from the power that music holds by listening to songs like "California Girls"? Really? Really? Is this all that we are made up of? My friend gave a forum he called, "The Death of the American Scholar". We discussed what makes up society and the cheap thrills we partake of daily. A moment of irony revealed itself to me as I was debating points that night. I realized that this discussion was the first meaningful conversation I had had since I could remember. Not to bash on my roommates or anything cause I love them, but we don't talk much about real things. and I LOVE talking about real things. It's a part of who I am. I really don't give a crap about designer clothing or how beautiful another girl is. Uhmmnn, okay, cool. That means nothing to me or my life. Good we had that talk. I'm glad that means nothing to my life or what a sad sad life I would lead. I learned a long time ago to build my own self confidence. I did that by finding meaning in my life that deeper than where my next trip is going to be. Maybe we just talk about these type of things because school is so draining but this is the time to talk about real things. College is the best time to form personality preferences. If all we can talk about now is how that girl can rock the straight part when there is so so much going on around us how is the rest of our life going to pan out? It sure won't be a life of substance. I realize that I'm not perfectly clean on this subject, so no one take offense cause that's gay. I really hate people who get offended at the littlest things. But that's another rant for another time. Anyways, this post is all over the place. Welcome to my mind.

"For the times, they are a changing. So keep your eyes wide for the chance won't come again."