instead, i was on facebook via my sister's account. yes, i cheated. but i didn't even go to my page. ok, but it was only for a second. looking over my sister's profile gave me a revelation. I look to my sister as a role model like none other. i never realized it. and i probably wouldn't have ever admitted it before because my whole life we've had a power struggle haha. i think that before age 15 the thing i said most to her was, "I don't have to do what you say, you're not my mother!" we fought like NONE other. she definitely likes to mother me and i usually like to forge my own way.
ex: i remember this one time i was playing over at the smith's house with Heidi. Probably around age 6?? We were jumping on the tramp and pretending that we were astronauts. Keely and Courtney come out and say that it's their time to jump on the tramp. I immediately grab Heidi's arm (as she had gone to get off the tramp) and say that we were here first! Courtney and Keely tell us again it's their turn. this time Heidi gets off and Courtney says, "Look who's being the good little girl!" and gives Heidi a big hug. i just grimace and keely and i start arguing over possession. haha that is such a tender memory to me.
but oh my poor mom. the boys would come to her and say,"Keely and Joni are fighting AGAIN!" and my mom would say, "Let them fight it out." it'd reached that point. i was always big for the whole hitting then apologizing with a "I didn't mean to do that!" as she ran off with a "I'm going to tell mom!" in defense of me, i remember honestly feeling sorry after i hit her. it wasn't just because she was going to tell mom. really.
as we grew up though she really helped me through middle school and high school. we always have these long talks about growing up and how much i had to look forward to when i first finally got to high school then when i finally got to college. due to these talks and hanging out with her friends i was always kinda ahead of my age. I've always been able to make friends with people older than me a lot easier then with people who are my age. whenever she'd come home from college we'd have sleepovers in my waterbed and talk for hours. then i'd go visit her in college and hang out with her roommates. Hanging out with her friends gave me expectations for the type of friends i'd like to have.
One thing I always really appreciated from her and still appreciate from her is her encouragement and support of me. She always thought that it was way cool i was into theatre, wore crazy styles and listened to random unheard music. I'd never had admitted it but i really do care what she thinks of me. Whenever I met her friends they always said that keely had said this or this about me. that really caused me to gain the confidence that i have now. it sounds cheesy when i say it but it helped me skip in a way the idiotic stages that people my age were going through. i'm not saying like i'm supperr mature and blah blah blah..obviously, if you know me at all you know i'm definitely not mature. but it helped me not care what people thought of me in high school to know that i had lots of college friends and a great sister who liked me for who i was. even now when she's serving her mission she just wrote me saying that she prints out all my emails and reads them to her companion and her companion really wants to meet me. what can i say, i'm just really awesome at writing letters and i'm SOO funny. ok, enough of that.
not that she's all praising. she helps keep me in check when i'm acting snotty. so many times i've said something when i was sad or mad and it'll just hit her funny. and here i am hurt, sometimes physically, and she's laughing uncontrollably at me! i'll get SO mad at her and she'll barely be able to spurt out,"i'm sorry, but it's so funny!"between wheezing on the ground. then, you know laughter is contagious, so i'll have to hurry away carrying my limping pride with me before i smile and shatter it completely.
haha i'll always remember those many many times on four wheelers and snowmobiles at grandma's house when it's my turn to drive. She starts screaming SCREAMING in my ear. every. single. time. she doesn't trust me at all. also, shelling peas in the summertime while watching the price is right. that is the best way to spend a morning. and the hours playing clue. the ratio was usually 3:1 in her favor. Plus, card games we played constantly. she's the reason i kick butt at eygptian-rat-screw. Gotta keep up with the competition. Though, I still refuse to play California speed with her. It's not fun to never ever ever win. Also, all those years of four-h again in the summertime. In the kitchen making food or at the sowing machine with Mom by our side.
I have a picture frame right next to my computer of both of us in matching outfits sitting in the rocking chair i look three and so that'd make kee about five. it's adorable. and it helps with missing her. as does this post. giggity.
and now i really need to go to bed.
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